The Dangers of Net Relationships
                                    or
                             How to never meet

((Prelude))
     I wrote this article in 1996, when I was engaged to someone I had met
on the net.  I had hoped she was the person I would be with for the rest of
my life, yet due to a large number of circumstances.. including distance,
interference by her parents, miscommunication, etc. we fell by the wayside.
The issues mentioned in the article are still true.. and the what it says
about how we relate with people is still current.. just realize it is
speaking of a situation which did not find its fulfillment in marriage as we
had both hoped.


((The original article starts here))

     How is it that when you walk into a store, you see hundreds of people,
but don't know a one personally?  Or a stadium and thousands?  Most of us
know at a glance that it's because we can't take the time to get to know
them all.. if we're even interested in doing so.  They are nameless faces in
a crowd of people, who are just a voice in a shout, a shopper
at a market, or one of those behind the scenes personnel just doing whatever
their job happens to be.  Yet have you ever stopped to consider just how
much of this we do on the net?
     I have.. and I find it quite alarming.  Being quite a net junkie,
(starting originally on the net in 1989) I have seen quite a bit of the net
realm.  I've been on BBS's, MUDS, IRC, Talkers, and other such chat
stations.  And I've learned quite a bit in my travels.  One of the areas I
have learned much in (due to my great ability to flounder in this area it
seems) is net-relationships.  I have been through over 10 now, and am in
what will be my final one, for it is leading directly to marriage.  Yet I
must give credit where credit is due -- Thank you Daddie. :)
     You see.. way way way back in early 1989, I began traipsing through
Cyberspace on a little network known as BITNET.  Most of you probably
haven't even heard of it, but comparing it to the Internet is like comparing
a slug to a Ferarri.  It *was* a way to communicate, however, it had its
pitfalls.  Yet even there, I began to experiment with net-relationships.  
     Due to the fact that I had felt rather down on myself, and had felt
quite put away from society as a child, as well as my lack of education in
the personal-relations area, when the net was opened up to me, it became a
way that I could finally find the one thing I had never received:
acceptance.  I found quite a few friends who I hung out with and chatted
with on the net.. and though not all came close.. I found a few who did..
and I began to learn a lot about how people related and how much I really
needed to have friends.  
     It was around February of 1989 where I first met Renee.  She wasn't the
first person I was interested in on the net, but she was the first one I
ended up meeting in person.  She lived only a 2 hour drive from my home, and
so with the attraction we both had for one another (which we gained as we
exchanged pics, and continued talking with one another), we attempted to
carry this outside of the network.  Yet as is the case with the shoppers, or
the stadium crowd, we found that we weren't as alike as we had hoped.  I
found out that though she liked dancing, what she really liked was not what
I would call dancing -- for I preferred to truly get into the music, where
she preferred to just sorta do what I call the "dance-club-bounce" --
standing kinda in the same spot as she moved a little to the music.  
     There were more differences as well.  We just didn't seem to be
interested in the same things.  Our hearts were headed in opposite
directions.  The one area where we seemed to get along is the one area where
virtually any couple can get along with minimal to no effort: that is, of
course, the physical.  And perhaps this is why the net has its greatest
lure.  
     A friend of mine wrote a piece for his web page about netsex.  He
pointed to the fact that often, certain guys on the net may play girls for
the simple pleasure of getting mental, emotional, or even sexual kicks from
it.  As well, he pointed to the fact that the person on the other side might
be (as far as looks go) Godzilla's neice or King Kong's nephew.  And so,
often, because of their looks, they have found solace in a network where
their looks are not shown -- where they can present themselves how they
choose; either good looking or a total knockout -- or even some other
species, for the sheer purpose of getting the attention they are searching
for, and the love and acceptance they so desire.  And though I don't think
this is the best idea per se, I would say that society, itself, may drive
them towards this decision out of its shallow focus on the outer appearance
of a person, and its own design on certan shapes and sizes for each sex
being labeled as "attractive". 
     Yet how far does this go?  I remember reading an article back a year or
so where I read about one profound thing about the internet:  the absence of
racism.  I mean, after all.. doesn't the color of a person's skin just come
from chemical factories in the skin which have no connection to a person's
mental or emotional abilities?  And here, on this land where we cannot see
faces, it becomes very easy to ignore our own previous ideas of
grading a person by what we see on their skin, versus who they are inside.
     So where does this leave us?  We know that the net lets us look beyond
the person we see on the surface -- that is, if we want to.  This is the
problem with many net-relationships, especially those on net-environments
where we can have our own descriptions.  
     In my time on the net, I have seen descriptions so verbose and alluring
that they easily rival anything our own society can produce in RL.  This is
akin to something that Rousseau commented on in his "Confessions" -- the
idea that, our own minds can concoct notions and experiences which seem to
be far more grand and pleasureable than the actual thing.  Yet I think we
need to focus on the word "seem" here.  For if you take a look at the
interaction with the images in your mind, you may find yourself finding
personal gain, but does this really mean that you are getting it?  I mean..
does the gain we call gain really give us good things?  
     Let's look at this.  God said that He looks at the inner man -- the
heart.. to judge a person.  God also desires something more from us than
that we just be pleasure-seekers in this world.  I'm sure that you've had
countless areas where you've tasted pleasure in great quantities.  Some of
them may be the simple pleasures of a TV dinner, eaten in front of a home
theatre system, lounging in a soft recliner, in the air conditioned room of
a 2 story house in the suburbs of a large city.  And although most of us
probably don't have it this good.. it's amazing just how much America, in
general, is filled with rich people.  Yet who is rich?
     It seems to be the general concensus to ascribe the title of "wealthy"
to those who are more fortunate than ourselves.  Yet really, this means that
everyone is wealthy except the poorest person on the planet.  So what is
true wealth?  In monetary terms, we have no real set standard to judge what
is wealthy and what isn't.  Yet look at America.  Most of us, even from the
time we are in middle school, may find ourselves able to go into a well
air-conditioned building, and get people to wait on us hand and foot for a
a fully cooked meal.  We need not worry about all the difficulty of making
it ourselves.. just shell out a few greenbacks that our mommy or daddie gave
us, and enjoy the fruits of their labors.  We are all so rich it's pathetic.
It's so easy to get lost in the mundaneness of the richness of this society
and just look at it as "normal".. but one look at those underdeveloped
countries where people are dying daily from diseases we wiped out along time
ago in America.. where people starve nightly.. where people sleep in shacks
the size of many of our bathrooms.. can give us a sense of just how rich we
really are.  (Take note of Proverbs chapter 23, verses 1-3)
     But really.. what is richness?  Many would tell you it means having
enough money to be able to swim in.. or at least cover yourself with.  But
Jesus had a different idea.  
     Back in the days of that famed Census.. things were not so different
than today.  They had the same pestilence.. the same wars.. the same
poverty.. it was all as real as it is today.  Yet to the people who looked
with their eyes open, one thing was clear:  We needed help.  And so, help
came... in the form of a little baby, born in what was most likely a cave.
Kinda funny, dontcha think -- that God would send a messiah/savior/helper in
the form of a peasant?  Yet to those of us who have met Him.. it makes
perfect sense.  How better to befuddle the world and its chaotic ideas and
lead people to a conviction of who they really were, than to challenge them
with a Babe born in a manger.. to challenge them to follow Him not based on
their own ideas (which, due to sin, are quite self-destroying), but based on
faith, that they might find their way back to the truth -- to the life which
we were supposed to have before Adam and Eve did the one thing that God told
them not to.  
     Many would say that knowledge, in and of itself, is bad.  It doesn't
take a computer genius to figure out that if we had no knowledge, we
couldn't even walk, or put on a shoe, or snap our fingers, or even lift a
finger... cuz we wouldn't know how.  Truthfully.. knowledge is not bad.. but
it needs to be in its appropriate place.  And the only place that knowledge
belongs is in a mind which is ruled over by the One who created the universe
in the first place: i.e. Jesus' Father.  The problem is, without Jesus there
to guide the way.. we can't ever find what we truly need to find.  We will
see things slantedly.. and only get more and more lost.  God, Himself,
states through Solomon in His book of proverbs that Wisdom is a good thing.
Yet knowledge, alone.. by itself.. can get us in trouble.. cuz we can become
preoccupied with just how much knowledge we have.. learning more and more
daily to fill that void in our hearts -- yet it never really fills it.
     So it seems that knowledge isn't riches.  But what about wisdom?  God
says throughout proverbs that wisdom *is* a good thing.  Yet He also says
elsewhere in the Bible that man's wisdom is not His.  That His foolishness
is greater than man's wisdom.  That His ways are higher than ours even as
the skies are higher than the ground.  So there is a distinction between
Godly wisdom and manly wisdom.  And from what I've seen on my own.. man's
wisdom *does* need quite a bit of augmentation -- for it only seems to lead
to more hardship and more tumult.  
     Well.. where is true wisdom to be found then?  The only way to find
true wisdom is to do exactly what Jesus told us to do -- to deny ourselves,
take up our own cross daily, and follow Him.  
     Ok.. I know that a lot of you are probably quite skeptical about the
whole idea.  But lemme assure you that this is not some sort of
"fixallwithouteffort" cure.  It requires the greatest amount of effort
you'll ever have to expend -- you must surrender your own self, to become
who you truly should be.  And this is truly the greatest undertaking a man
can begin.. for the rewards.. even on this planet.. are without number.
     I told you back a ways in this little writing that I have found my
final net-relationship.  Yet there was only one way to do this.  And yup..
you guessed it.. it was to do exactly what Jesus said -- surrender my all to
Him.  
     I know that a lot of you are wondering how this helped.  Well, it was
really simple.  
     When I was a kid.. and even growing up to be an adult.. I found out
that I wanted the company of a female -- probably because it's some sort of
inbred desire. (*smile*)  But anyway.. back then.. due to the fact that my
own heart and eyes were still guided by my old desires -- by my wants and
not love -- I never got what I wanted.  Rather, I got what was to be
expected: more want.  This was true for every aspect of my life, not just
relationships.  I tried to find what I needed, but really, there was only
one place to find it.. and Jesus held it.  
     Oh I won't say I found things right away.. not by any means.  I was a
stubborn little kid.. and grew quite moreso throughout the years of my
adolescence.  Yet the more I persevered to find the truth, the more I
found.... that was, until I allowed my desires for the pleasures of this 
world to completely overtake me.  
     Instead of living as I knew I should -- in a way that Jesus would've
been pleased with, I chose to dabble in a rather great deal of sexual sin.
Oh I only actually had sex less than 10 times, but I dabbled a lot in
fantasy and self-pleasuring.  Eventually porn.. even lesbian porn was added
to the list.  I fantasized probably daily.. and enjoyed quite the powerful
time in my mind.  Yet this didn't come without a price.
     You see.. as a result of my foolish behavior of trying to put one foot
in both worlds at once -- one in God's, and one in satan's, I ended up
hearing a lot of spiritual voices.. which told me things which continually
got me off track.. and eventually.. led me into a 3 week stay in the local
hospital's mental ward.  
     I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and put on medication which I have
just now (almost 3 years later) extracted myself from.  Yet let me not
belittle the experiences that I had while I was on my downward spiral
towards the ward, entering it, and in my years of recovery.  
     You see.. for a good deal of time before the trouble started.. I had
quite a relationship with Jesus.. it was so close.. and so pure.. and so
wonderful.. beyond what I had ever heard anyone talk about -- perhaps this
was one reason I kept it a secret.. cuz I was so sick of being trampled on
for being more intelligent than others.. or more advanced.. or what have
you.. and also.. maybe I might have been wrong.. but I wasn't concerned
about that.  
     This relationship was so tender.. that it just blew my socks off.  Oh I
can't say that I could hear Him speak to me in words as you might hear
someone on the phone as yet.. however.. I knew that He touched my heart here
and there.. and was so convicting... but so gentle at the same time.  
     Yet at my lowest time.. in that mental ward.. I had spirits around me
which seemed to be of God.. telling me:
     "Your name has been blotted out of the Book of Life"
     "Jesus is dancing on your grave"
     "Die in your shame"
     These three things.. along with what seemed to be a shouted "NO!!!"
from God when I asked Him to kill me now that I had (supposedly) committed
the unforgivable sin, destroyed me inside in a way I could never begin to
explain.  And yet.. I pressed on.. knowing that I had at least this life to
live.
     I continued on.. sometimes pummeled at nights by large groups of voices
running through my head.  At one time or another.. I even started to believe
the doctors.. that maybe they *were* just voices.. but I grabbed back onto
the truth of who they really were.  
     However, I wasn't the one to believe that I was still okay either.  God
had been there with me throughout the whole ordeal.  And even while the
demons were ransaking my brain with grotesqueness like you will never see on
this planet.. He was speaking too.. trying to get me to believe that He
still loved me and that I still had a chance.  But I wasn't one to trust the
spirits for anything good anymore..... I was really afraid.. and it wasn't
until I got a little help from Michael W. Smith, himself, that I really
started to plant my feet and realize that I was not the gonner that I
thought I was.
     Slowly.. but surely.. I began to trust that Jesus cared.. and that He
was there still.. but I had a lot of problems still.. cuz I spent a lot of
time trying to hear God directly.. rather than reading the Bible.  I
realized the difficulty of this endeavor around a month or so ago.. when He
showed me how the Bible's truth was so steadfast and so well written down..
yet the spirits that I sensed could easily trick me.  As a song by the
fraggles go.. I was trying to catch the tail by the tiger.. yet.. due to the
strength of the One in me.. I was not completely left in the dust (though
the pain of this route is not something I'd suggest you undertake).
     God's kindness to me was without limit.  I couldn't understand this.
He loved me enough to show me all this beauty.. in truth.. in love.. in
perfect unity with friends.. and as well.. He has given me my greatest gifts
on this planet -- my deliverance from my old attitude, and my bride to be.
     I have included a poem on this webpage which my sweetie wrote.  It
really describes what happened with both of us, and how we came to be more
than friends.  To summarize it, it's basically when we gave up searching and
gave all our desires over to Him that we found what we were looking for.
And guys.. I gotta say something about that. :)
     Earlier, I was talking about how a person's physical form has little to
do with who they really are.  As well, I pointed to how society has its own
views as to what's attractive and what isn't.  And well.. as you can see
from her picture.. she isn't as skinny as many of the models out there these
days.  Yet, I found that she was far more snuggly than girls who have not
her frame.  This is not to say that girls who are slim are unattractive, yet
to say that.. for me.. having someone who society viewed as "overweight" was
a pleasant benefit.  So what does this have to say?
     When you're looking for a girl.. don't depend on what you can see.. or
even your own perception of what true love is.. or what it sets on.  There
is only one way to find true love.. and Jesus laid it out, and made it
evident in the lives of Heather and I -- deny yourself, take up your cross
daily, and follow Him.  Love Him.. learn what He wants.. cuz He's the only
one who really knows the way Home (John's telling of the Gospel, Chapter 14,
verse 6).  We all want our way home.. we all want to be loved and cherished
and accepted..  Well.. there's a person out there who loves us beyond our
ability to understand it.. and He has a way for us to find all that we will
ever truly need.. and have our own longing extinguished (Psalm 23, verse 1).
     Now.. one very important point which I *MUST* cover.  
     One of the biggest reasons why I had so many problems on this net is
the fact that not only are there places where people dress for the purposes
of getting guys'(or girls') attention and leading them towards 
fantastic(fantasy) sexual relations, but I had the greatest difficulty on
here on certain realms where all things hung loose, and fantasies ran wild
-- I am speaking of the realms where it is the norm to guise yourself in an
animalistic format.. part human, part beast.  And because of whatever hold
satan grappled upon me as a young child, I explored this level of fantasy in
depth.  For a reason I didn't understand until now, I played greatly with
images of girls sprouting fangs and fur and claws.. and reshaping their
bodies.. and all sorts of grotesquely natured sexual images including this
sort of intensity.  And man... was it intense.  It was astoundingly powerful
to feel.. but.. it only left me wanting more.  And the problem is.. it's
such a hook.. cuz the brain is such a powerful tool.. and can be used to
fantasize about anything.  And once we start fantasizing, we can find it
overtaking our very lives if we don't grab hold of a power strong enough to
stop us.  And when I was at my worst.. the only power strong enough was
God's own love.  Without it.. without HIM.. I would've died.
     So, a warning to those of you who are interested in practicing that
type of fantasy.  It may hold pleasures beyond what you have experienced
before.. but it also holds a hook which gets inserted into your own body..
and is so impossible to get out.  The only safe thing to do exactly what Jesus
told us to:  Use the mind and body for things which are good, not for things
which lead towards destruction -- and Jesus' ways lead towards good every
time.
     One last point I feel needs be discussed.  
     When I was searching through the net-waves.. I found one very important
truism about relating on the net.  Since it's such an imperfect medium.. the
only way to build any sort of real relationship over it is to be completely
honest with one another -- almost to a fault at times.  Yet there is an
added difficulty which few seem to realize.  Even if you are attempting to
be honest on here.. even if you give your whole heart to being honest.. you
can still fall short if you forget to realize what things look like on the
other end of the net -- on the other person's computer screen.  
     Because of the imperfection of this network.. and how imperfectly it
communicates emotions.. without adamant effort used to make certain that not
only do you talk honestly.. but that your partner receives the message you
sent to them (i.e. understands what you're saying in detail and what you
mean emotionally), you will find yourself fighting a losing battle.. for you
will only see a small part of the person.. and really.. you'll be relating
with more of an idea you have in your head than who the person really is. 
This happens as well in RL where people choose not to bother to talk about
the important things in life before they marry or get close.  They relate on
a physical level, and perhaps an emotional one.. but not truly an intimate
one.. where thoughts, feelings, ideas, and perceptions are shared, and
brought to the light.
     This is one of the biggest problems in today's society.  We try and
hide our imperfections and hope that we'll be ok.  We try and hide our
differences and relate with one another.. hoping that they'll just go away..
rather than having our differences settled.  Paul put it well in one of his
letters (I think it was to the Corinthians) where he told them that when
they are filled with differences and such, they are being carnal -- i.e.
they are focussed on their old mind's way of thinking -- and not their new 
mind's way -- which is only brought about by Jesus' supernatural renewal 
inside when we are spiritually "born again."  
     For those of you out there who have wondered just what this "born
again" idea is, it's covered in the 3rd chapter of John's telling of the
Gospel.  Basically.. what happens when we let Jesus rule our lives, when we
believe into what He's done and what He's doing, He makes us spiritually
alive (like we should've been all long -- but lost on the day when Adam and
Eve ate of the one tree they knew they shouldn't have).  
     You see.. when satan told Eve that the fruit of that tree would not
kill them..  i.e. they "would not die"... he used subtlety to confuse them..
cuz as you see in the Bible.. that very day.. they did not die.. at least..
not physically.  But their spirits.. their alive and beautiful spirits..
which were the most precious parts of them.. died.  So truthfully.. they
died inside.  And the re-establishment of this spiritual "aliveness" is
exactly what Jesus comes to bring us.  He loves us, and is exactly what we
need to get our lives on track.  Yet I must even apologize to Him for the
words I just used.. for I know that at times, I don't see Him as a person..
but I choose to acknowledge Him as just a means to an end.. and I ask His
forgiveness for it.  I love you Big Bro.
     So.. curious?  Wondering who this Jesus really is?  Wondering why
people hate Him so much?  There are millions of people in the history of the
world who have discredited His Name.. and many more who have hurt Him.  He
is the most loving man ever to walk the planet -- perhaps because He's more
than a man.. He's the very.. Son of God.  The Messiah who the world cast out
because they didn't want to hear the truth -- because they were confused and
didn't want to be healed -- like a little child refusing bad tasting
medicine.  But the tragedy is, this medicine is the only way to be restored
to who we were supposed to be from the beginning of time.  As well.. it only
comes in one form -- drops.  Little drops of the most precious substance
ever to touch the earth:  Jesus' very life-blood.  And it's only by coming
to Him.. by letting ourselves be cleaned of all the junk which has separated
us from love and truth and the way and everything we need.. by letting Him
wash us in this perfect sacrifice.. that we can be restored.. and live
forever.
     Jesus came to love us.. to show us love in its purest form.  He came to
save us from our own destruction.  Yet many of us say, or have said, "Why
does Jesus prosecute me for something I can't help?"  "Why does Jesus throw
people away unjustly?"  Well.. He doesn't.  
     Truthfully.. what Jesus does is offer the cure for the curse which Adam
set into motion when he took of the fruit which God told Him not to.  For
all we know, maybe God wanted Adam to take of it later in life.. after Adam
had learned a lot more.. who knows? :)  The fact is, the curse was brought
by Adam.. and we need to be taken out of that curse.  Jesus, became that
curse for us (for it is written, "Cursed is any man who hangs on a tree"
(nearquote)).  Jesus paved the way for us to return to the love and peace 
which He had desired from the beginning.. and all we need to do is come to Him..
well.. actually.. there's one more piece.. and this causes a great deal of
hardship in people.
     You see.. Jesus didn't just call us to be believers.  It seems to me
rather apparent that we have a greater job to do than just believe in who He
is and what He's done.  Of course, due to the cares of this world (thorns)
we find ourselves all too easily in the grasp of the world's pleasures and
ways, that we refuse to acknowledge the second part of the covenant.
     Jesus came to give us life more alive.. more filled.. more beautiful..
more extraordinary.. than we could ever get on our own.  He has done it for
me.. and He can do it for any of you.  He is the only man who truly loves us
all.. regardless of who we are or what we've done.  He gave His own life..
even taking on a physical body for us.. and then having it utterly
destroyed.. so that we could be taken away from the death we are living in
now.  But the only way to get this life is not to just sit there on our
belief and let it remain in our hearts.  Maybe one reason we do this is
because we're so afraid of persecution (I know I have been and am quite so
at times.. but I need to work on remembering the fact that persecution
brings rewards for the next life).  Maybe one reason is because we have
heard the "Gospel message" so many times preached without zeal.. without
fervor.. without the alive powerful beautiful wonderful awesome life-filled
speech that we really should be hearing in those who know Jesus.  I think
this is why I really love Keith Green's definition of a "Christian" --
"Someone.. who's bananas for Jesus.  Someone.. who loves the Lord their God
with all their mind, all  his heart, all his soul.. and don't forget the
second part.. he loves everybody else.. just as much as he loves himself."
It's by and far the best definition I've heard.. but.. really.. there is one
more which I really like.. which I haven't heard with my physical ears.. but
I have heard in my heart.  
     A Christian.. simply put.. is someone who knows Jesus -- not just knows
who He is.. or what He's done.. but knows Him.. as you might know your best
friend.  You know His ways.. His desires.. His hurts.. His pain.. His
loves.. and maybe.. even some of His ideas.  He is often on your thoughts..
for He is someone you really like being around.  
     There are warnings throughout the Bible against the type of lifestyle
that leads to hell.  These include avoidance of such things as self-seeking, 
seeking worldly pleasures, staying in worldly pleasures and ideas rather
than leaving them behind (one which could've caused me an eternity of fire
had God chosen to take me earlier in life), and other such things.  Jesus,
Himself summed it up like this. "Save your life, you'll lose it, but give it
away -- lose it for my sake, and you'll find it."  If you decide to hold
onto the poor direction of your own ways.. you'll end up going in one
direction, and it isn't pleasant.  If you, however, decide to let go and let
Jesus rule your life -- let yourself be ruled by His ways (the ones that
lead to truth and life) then you end up a double winner:  Not only will you
live eternally and have pleasures beyond this world, but you'll have exactly
what you've been looking for down here -- perfect, true acceptance.  
     I am not here to preach at you.. I am here to let you know something.
Jesus is not the fool that the nations made Him out to be.  He is also not
the "prophet" that others have called Him.  He is far more.  He is the very
voice of God.. speaking to us today.  He loves us.. more than you can ever
realize.. and He's calling for you.  All you need to do is give Him a
chance.. I guarantee you, you won't be disappointed if you come to know the
real Him.  Not a religion.. not a way of life.. not a fantastic method of
getting everything in your life in order described to you in 30 minutes over
late-night TV, but a real, true, honest, wonderful, loving, caring, tender,
sensitive, beautiful person.. who wants to get to know you! :)  He really
wants you to give Him a chance.. He's the only chance you've got.. jump
before it's too late.


     If you wish to get to know me.. I am often on 
       Nails -- nails.rutgers.edu 5150  (telnet to)
       OrangeMuck -- homer.bus.miami.edu 9999
    or GlobalMush lancelot.cif.rochester.edu 4201.

    I use the same handle as on IRC (crysaliq).  Please feel free to stop by
any time.  I am willing to chat with anyone, so please.. if you need someone
to talk to.. if you are interested in finding some answers... if you really
want someone to help.. I'm here for you.  My phone number is (360)676-1080,
and though I am often on the net, I am available there often as well.  
    I am also starting up a channel on IRC called #CCC, which stands for
Christian Compu-chat.  If you are interested in the policy, email me at 
defiant@cc.wwu.edu and I'll send it to you.  I am looking for a few more ops
to help run it.  So if you know Jesus.. and really think you can help me in
this endeavor, please feel free to write.

     Thank you for reading to the end of this, I know it was long and that
it covered a lot of material.  I hope that it helps you to find what you
were looking for.  In conclusion, let me say this...

       though we walk down the road of sorrows..
       if the blessings at the end outweigh the pain of the journey..
       why won't we walk?  (Romans 8:18).

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                                 Addendum

If you've read this far then you are in for a nice surprise (not).  The
Heather I spoke of in the above paragraphs and I have gone by the wayside.
Even though we thought it was from God that we join.. it seems that the
obstacles in the way.. from her parents to the distance to
miscommunication.. were just too much for us.  So as you see.. even what
seems to be in God and set to last for a lifetime may just be something that
you're either not ready for what's in front of you or he/she simply wasn't
the one.  Anyway.. keep these things in mind as you search for the right
person.. you can never tell until you spend a good amount of time face to
face if it's truly gonna work.